Sunday, March 11, 2018

Catch the Wind

A sad night ... after making the first cuts and practicing for months - literally, our youngest found out he did not make the JV soccer team this year at high school.
I leaned over to kiss your head,
and it was like yesterday.

You were a toddler again 
running to snuggle with me
when you were sad.
Now you’re this man child,
Too big to sit on my lap.
And my arms are not the place

you want to run to.
I wanted you to make the team 
      It hurts.
And I feel the weight of your disappointment.
Because You are so
But this stumbling block in the road, 

Take it 
  and learn 
    and grow.

Like you did the one time you didn’t get a new belt after testing in karate; Sensei said you needed more time and confidence. Like Michael Jordan, who was "too short" at 5'11" to play for his school's JV basketball team as a sophomore. Like countless others who had a goal and a passion and it took a long route to get there.
Catch the wind.

You are not meant to stay grounded from this experience.
And I know you won’t.
Even though it looks bad now

and you might wonder why would you desire to get back up again.
But in the force of opposition, 
  the lack of years playing,
Take off!

Airplanes take off INTO the wind.
Rise above.
“Like an eagle, whose home is the sky.”
You are meant to soar.
Even if it means you need a tow plane,
to get you up,
So you can glide.
You’re not meant to stay grounded.
There’s a million paths to get to where you’re going.
The only similarities are perseverance and hard work.
And you are already defined by both of those.
You went out to warm up
Before your indoor game this afternoon.
And I knew...
You had caught the wind.

I was praying for you and kept hearing that phrase about not staying grounded and soaring. I saw a picture in my mind of you in a glider and your dad in the tow plane, leading you higher and higher so he could let you soar. 

Monday, March 20, 2017

Stay Close to Me

The random snow storm in March

has the pug perplexed.

Out of his routine.

You and me both, buddy.
And it's about more than just the weather.

I ponder as the pug 
wanders farther away from me,
trying to find his way out of the mess
of snow and ice.

He doesn't know it's safer
With me.

Close to me.

I will lead him
in a good path
a smooth path.
I will carry him to sure ground
when from his perspective 
there are only mountains of snow.

Follow in my steps
or walk beside me.

Either way.


I can hear the Holy Spirit whisper to me as I'm whispering to the pug. 


 As for you, let that abide in you which you heard from the beginning. If what you heard from the beginning abides in you, you also will abide in the Son and in the Father...As for you, the anointing which you received from Him abides in you, and you have no need for anyone to teach you; but as His anointing teaches you about all things, and is true and is not a lie, and just as it has taught you, you abide in Him. 1 John 2:24,27


Just this picture the other morning.

The morning we found out
new things were on the horizon.

And that life was not going to feel simple
for awhile.

The day of new beginnings.
How appropriate.

Jehovah Shammah - the Lord who is there. 

"Religion is trying to get TO God, but God wants you to rediscover the simplicity of the garden where you enjoy his presence as a child," writes Sylvia Gunter. 

And I just find the desire to keep things simple this past Christmas - no fuss.


*Free from guile and vanity and ostentation
*of humble origin
*SHEER, UNmixed
*free of secondary complications
*constituting a basic element/fundamental
*not divided
*no limited or restricted - unconditional.

I let this wash over me.


The beauty of of light on a leaf.
a sunrise.
a promise.

Be blessed in the name of the one who guides you in paths of righteousness for His name's sake Psalms 23:3


It's not your time?

You're blooming.
 bright pink
  against the blue sky
Light shining on your face 
 as if today 
  were a sunny day 
    in July

It's the end of February,
 not the beginning of Spring

But you don't care
And you don't seem to even take into consideration
 this fact

Because to you,
 the conditions are right.

And that's what makes
 the timing right 
  for you to bloom.

Not chronos time -
 linear, earthly time. 

But kairos time.

God divine time.

Based on alignment
 in His kingdom.


Saturday, April 23, 2016

Bending Low

I saw this tree while stuck in traffic on the way to training one morning. A visual reminder of how I feel right now.

Bending over.
Bending low.
That one word "bending" describes this season of life.


It's humbling not knowing everything by experience because I don't have experience in this area of my life, my new job. Or taking my place, wherever I am. At home, at work, with my family, and in life.

So I bend low.
Asking questions of those who have gone before and those who supervise me, ones with experience, and ones whose names I have forgotten for the tenth time.

I bend over.
With the weight of having to look up information and locating the "how to" deal with this and that. I would much rather easily recall it to memory. But I can't yet. I can only process so much newness at a time.

I ask the hard question:
What would love look like?
When I run into someone I knew,
who has hit hard times of accusation.
I could choose to walk away.
But, it was not an accident,
seeing her at the store
that spring afternoon.
So I hug her. Tell her we love her and are praying for her. Wish I would have told her that this does not define her. This is NOT who she is.

There is nothing else to offer in these situations, but love.
The Father's love.
Through me being me.

It's a good place to be.
Bending low.
Looking up to the sky.

A New Dawn

A few months ago, ready for a new thing, I applied for a job. I stumbled upon this new interest by volunteering. There was favor. But the short background story is: While I felt like I was applying for a specific position at a specific location, the way the "system" works, I had to apply for the specific job at ANY location. My application got selected. Then I made it to the interview process. While interviewing, I was shocked to learn that the specific location I was interested in was taken by someone already in the system. 

I held you
firm in my grasp,

I watched you
in the palm of my own hand.

Your words, Father,
the promise.

The feeling
no - wait.
the knowing.

Time to branch out
do something new.
There's more to life.

And I thought I found you.


and favor.
The way was paved.

But here I stand-

Like sand, you slipped right though my hand.
And I don't know if that was me 
or if 

Did I not believe?
Did I get carried away?

What the heck happened?

Because I can't seem to quiet my heart
With all these questions shouting back and forth 
across the recesses of my mind.

Silence that is deafening, 
not peaceful.

Not a word.
No reassurance.

Choking on air,
Hard to breathe,
Tears well from the deep.

Here now. All I know, is I know, that You are here now. Still my heart, Let Your voice be all I hear now. Spirit breathe, like the wind come have your way ... because I know you're in this place.

That is what Hillsong UNITED sings. It IS all I need to know. You're here now.

Asking WHY doesn't help. Doesn't get to the heart of the matter. As Bill Johnson says, "What we DON'T understand is sometimes as important as what we DO understand," and that when you "embrace revelation and embrace mystery, it forms a perfect cross. Mystery is where trust is proven." He says, "There's a pressure to connect the dots, but sometimes the dots need to stay unconnected."
I don't need a thousand empty words; I just need the ones that you have spoken.
Vertical Church band sings that song "If I Have You." And it's true: I just need the words you have spoken. That's why I can't talk to anyone else but You about this until my heart is in the right place. 
"When my faith gets tired and my hope seems lost...
Believe you won't lead me where you don't go...
And I will lock eyes with the One who has chose Me."
These truths written deep on my heart from worship songs play over and swirl together.

That was yesterday.
The wound was fresh.
I want to clean it so it heals
and doesn't become something
between You and me.

You say, "It's a new dawn. Let it go. It's in my hands." 

And just like you calm THE storm 
or calm my heart IN the storm,
I know you can change outcomes,
OR You can change my heart.

You see what I don't see.
And I know You know what's best for me.
I've watched You do it before,
when I thought I knew 
what was good,
but You had the best
waiting for me.

Saturday, February 20, 2016

Wandering Lost: Out of Season

"Not all who wander are lost," I resonated with this quote from JRR Tolkien's book Lord of the Rings.

I feel lost.
But does that mean I am?

I am wandering,
Where is my place?
What am I to do this season?
Who am I to be this season of life?

I recently connected with this truth Christine Caine spoke, "Sometimes when you think you're in a dark place, you've really been planted."

It IS dark,
  in the dirt.
It feels breathless

And here's His sweet reminder to me, a month or two after I started this post.

Not all who wander are lost.
Remember feeling lost Kim?
You never were.
Never are.
I am opening up new doors for you. 
Be willing and available.
Just as your kids have their own calling and purpose, 
  you do as well.
Your husband is on his own path.
Remember, your "seasons" might not match up with others' seasons
 and that is okay. 
Don't try to rush it or endure it,
  whatever the season.



Sometimes you "wander" and try things on for size and fit.
It doesn't freak me out.
I am fine with it.
There are things you never knew you could enjoy or do
that I will open up for you.

All that is gold does not glitter.
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.
-JRR Tolkein "All that is Gold Does Not Glitter" in Lord of the Rings

Thursday, February 4, 2016

You are New, So be New!

I am new.
I am in Christ.
Living from
Not to.

You found me,
 I am changed - drastically
You in me,
 I follow your lead - faithfully

Not losing heart,
submerged in you,
living from that reality
I am new.

Displaying a majestic kingdom picture
Many, yet one
elements of destiny,
pieces of a puzzle undone
fitting together, interlocked
body of Christ as one.

Who I truly am:
of Christ
and spirit led
enables me to live from the kingdom
to the world around me.

So I remind myself:

You are new, 
So be new.

Honor all others,
as honor given to the Lord.
Standing firm.
Jesus, you are my armor.
Peace, love and grace
out of me freely flow.

We recently completed a study on Ephesians. It was amazing to see the whole book as one theme. Thank you to my dear friend Gina! This poem's for you.

Friday, January 22, 2016

Out of Season

Fall mums
In September,
  seasons and atmospheres weren't    
  matching up.
The muggy reality around me,
  the thick atmosphere,
doesn't match the season of autumn,
  where you find cool and crisp, and  
  beautiful colors,
  revealed in changing leaves.

Late fall

In November,
I spot you.
Beautiful yellow flower.

You stand out against the dead leaves all around you
like a forgotten piece of luggage at the airport terminal,
and the crisp blue sky is the perfect backdrop.

Hello! It's not the right season for you.
Did no one tell you? It's not spring,
  nor summer,
  but it's fall!

But really, don't let anyone tell you
you're in the wrong season,
just because you're not in their season.

Because, oh, how you stand out - wow!
How beautiful!
You are not constrained by what's around you.
You have chosen to bloom because it's your season to bloom.
Like a tulip poking through the snow,
one might think you're a "late bloomer" flower in the fall.

On a warm day in late December,
I see another lonely yellow flower,
Right outside my door, in my own front yard.
And I say
Carry on
  and bloom your bright yellow.
Bring beauty,
  and light
  and life
in the winter season
  where everything else is dying.

Thursday, December 10, 2015

Finding Christ

In the mundane
In the mess
In the miracles.
Every day there seems to be 
moments of each of those,
If I have eyes to see.

Isn't this what advent is all about?

The season
Of preparing my heart.
To be ready,
On the lookout,
Wide-eyed wonder
For the King of Kings
Who came in the least expected way
A fragile, tiny baby

Who became the Savior of all mankind.