Saturday, January 22, 2011

One More Day

Sitting on the floor, pieces of a shattered vase scattered all around. Once it sat upon the shelf with the others - so beautiful and so full of life. Others couldn't help but smile and feel the joy as they encountered this vase. But now all that seems to remain are pieces - pieces that can never be put back together again, at least not in this world, not in this situation. Yet, there was hope . . . reaching down to pick up a piece and turning it over in her hand. She sees something so priceless that she never would have seen it had it not crashed to floor . . . just like the day her world came crashing down around her. The day Jesus came to take her baby girl home.

"One more day, one more time, one more sunset, maybe I'll be satisfied. But then again I know just what it'd do ... leave me wishing still for one more day with you."

Words from a country song about a lost love I'm sure. But they seemed to fit my life saying goodbye to my oldest as he went off to college and I headed back here, some 5700 miles away. Where did the time go? And they seemed to fit as I can't stop thinking about this family who lost their 13 year old daughter in a tragic hiking accident here last week . . .

"These are the moments, I'll remember all my life"

The mother sat across the room from me . . . just three days before her world would be turned inside out. I couldn't seem to keep my eyes off her - I was distracted by her somehow, but didn't know why. I pray next time I'll remember to ask the Lord why He is pointing someone out to me.

Lord what are you trying to say to us? There has been so much sadness and grief in this place lately. A few weeks ago, two paddlers were lost at sea, now a boat is missing, carrying a crew of five. And my heart grieves for all these.

I remember my own feelings of grief as if were yesterday; not to the same depth, but the most grief I had known. When they couldn't find the heartbeat of our unborn child at 14 weeks; when we had to pull our oldest out just before his senior year and move him half way across the world - to an island - for his senior year. God what could you possibly be doing in all this?

And that become the most important question in all this - not Lord, would you please make sense of this for MY sake, but what are you trying to teach me, what would bring YOU glory, not what would bring ME glory. This is why: He is my Peace "whether He stills the storms or beckons me to walk on the water to Him." And it is is not Him that I doubt - it's me.

So this quote rings so true to my hearts' cry: "Far more than explanations, we crave the unshakable conviction that He is utterly supremely God." Do you crave that unshakable conviction?

Friday, January 14, 2011

Breath Me In

Breathe me in, so you can breathe me out.

As I was running on the treadmill this morning, worshipping (in my head and mouthing the words because I didn't have the breath to sing ;-) ... staring at the little heart icon on the monitor of the machine in front of me . . . it was getting bigger and then smaller, bigger and smaller . . . and that's when I heard "Breathe me in so you can breath me out."

In my devotional "Solo" today, there was the same theme . . .

You can't give out what you don't have inside you.

TRUE TRUE so verrrrry TRUE!

Take time to be refreshed and rejuvenated. This only comes from spending time in My presence, for I am your source of life, energy and vitality. Come and be renewed and restored, says the Lord.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

The GOOD one . . .

One of those days, when you feel like you're not measuring up. To what I'm not quite sure - but you just feel like you're not making much difference in the world especially in your world. Your mind spirals into this "Am I doing a good job at anything?"

And He says, "But does that really matter?" "I love you . . . regardless."

My focus gets stuck on being the GOOD Mom or lack thereof, being the GOOD Wife or lack thereof, being the GOOD Military Officer's Wife or lack thereof . . .

Yet that is not what He requires of me. Act justly, Love mercy, and walk humbly with my God. This is what He would ask of me.

Am I doing a good job of LOVING the Lord my God with ALL my HEART, my MIND, my STRENGTH?

Am I seeking HIM in EVERY moment?

Am I asking HIM His PURPOSE for this situation?

Am I seeing HIM as HE IS, not who I think He SHOULD be?

And then there is the wrong perspective about myself that I have. Think about the "One Jesus Loved." As Beth Moore put it, this was NOT arrogance on John's part, but a proper perspective. John saw himself as Jesus saw him. The Beloved.

If you could see what I see, you'd see love.

If you could see what I see, you'd see joy.

If you could see what I see, you'd see peace.

If you could see what I see, in you.

Sunday, January 2, 2011


I keep finding myself stuck.

Stuck in frustration.

Stuck in situations that I don't want to be in.

Stuck in the same rut of emotions that are not uplifting.

Stuck at the mall instead of at the beach.

Stuck at the store instead of out exploring.

Stuck with sick family members instead of healthy and whole.

So what is the big deal?

My heart is not clean . . . God has been speaking of holiness upon the heart." Acts of goodness and generosity align you with others and bring out best . . . acts of bitterness, pettiness and anger put you at cross purposes with God and diminishes you and others." (Sylvia Gunter) I was stuck in the petty, the anger, and the bitter places. How am I going to get unstuck from these situations?

Sick family members. There is an enemy, but we have authority. Jesus told the disciples in Matthew 10 that they had authority to heal every kind of disease, over unclean spirits - to cast them out . . . freely you have received = freely give. Have I not been freely giving because I forgot that I freely received? Have I forgotten the Lord my Maker? Isaiah 51

The store. Our youngest won $100 the other night - the catch was it had to be used that night, on one item over $100. Do you know how hard that is for a seven year-old in a store with only so many items? Well, now our whole family knows. So we were trying to find something we needed and would buy anyway, enabling us to give him the cash since he won it fair and square. But this is what I focused on - the pain and agony of figuring that out, which took what felt like hours instead of thanking the Lord for the $100 - how in the world have I taken this blessing and made it into a frustration!

The mall. A recent family photos shows us all giggling. We found humor in the camera taking 10 photos of us on the self timer when I thought the 10 was for 10 seconds! But the really funny thing was that we were making the best of a the night. It was our oldest son's last night before going back to college and we just had gone on a little hike. We were headed to the beach to watch the sunset and eat at a favorite restaurant . . . what do you know, we got stuck in traffic and ended up at the mall! Not what I would've have planned at all for fun family memories, but God had other plans. We have this great family photo and hilarious memories of the kids cracking up at each other while sitting in the car driving around. When you give a situation/frustration to Him, He uses it - to teach, to grow, to make it beautiful in His time. Just like the move across the ocean to here, it might not seem so pleasant or beautiful at the time. But, yes, we are blessed; and yes, blessed be the Name of the Lord!

Challenge and growth . . . effective faith is born of total consecration. My Spirit alone can bring forth this kind of dedication and inner strength. Hold before Me at all times a heart that prefers instruction to comfort . . . Suffering is an instrument of grace. FJ Roberts "On the High Road of Surrender"