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Wednesday, January 18, 2012

God Can Handle You

Seriously?!

Are you sure?

I have seen me lately.

I have seen what lies deep inside my heart.


But why do I think He doesn't?

What God spoke to me through this SOLO devotional entitled "God Can Handle You" and my friend's blog is that being real about my feelings makes me feel vulnerable. And I don't like that feeling. I have this "strong woman" attitude that I picked up through the trials of life. Yet, He gently whispers, "Lay it down - I've got you."

Job was honest with God and about God; his friends were not. Job had the passionate relationship with God rather than a dutiful one. Being honest with God means negative emotions. And guess what? God can handle my negative emotions (even when I can't).


After a little pity party for myself the other day, I was telling God how upset I was about a certain someone, saying they are sorry but no actions to back it up. "How many times?" I thought, along with "I don't want to hear 'I'm sorry' AGAIN! I want them to consider me." There was the knife piercing to the dividing of joint and marrow. The Spirit quietly and gently whispered in love, "Now you know how I feel."

ALL THE JUNK - - - laying down the shame is just as important.

Five months later, this blog sits, unfinished. I heard the words to Barlow Girl's "I Need You to Love Me" and was going to write a whole other blog, but it seems the lyrics tie in to my thoughts last week.

My distance is just that. MY distance. I put it there. He did not. He has not moved nor does he walk away as nothing can separate me from His love including me - He is not afraid nor turned away by what He sees.
Why, why are You still here with me
Didn't You see what I've done?
In my shame I want to run and hide myself
But it's here I see the truth
I don't deserve You

[Chorus:]
But I need You to love me, and I
I won't keep my heart from You this time
And I'll stop this pretending that I can
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need You to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing You away from me
I just never saw how You could cherish me
'Cause You're a God who has all things
And still You want me

Your love makes me forget what I have been
Your love makes me see who I really am
Your love makes me forget what I have been

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