Focused & Fixed

Looking around.

What should I be doing?

What is the next move?



Look straight ahead. 

Not to the side.

"I know what to do because I watched the master in front of me.
Time and time again.
He taught me.
But I don't see him now."

So I waiver.

I hesitate.

I question.

But in my mind I can see him.

Going through the moves.

Oh but it's so easy to look around and see in the natural what every one else is doing...

How often I look around.

To make sure.

Today, I inadvertently cut someone in line. We were at Costco lined up in long line with the only cashier open for food on a Saturday (what was I thinking, I know!)

Finally, another line opened, after we had been talking about spending so much time in this line. The new line opened to my left. So the family who now is in front of me gets out of line and the cashier is waiving me up . . . You don't need to tell me twice - I'm moving right up to order my one little item. Then I hear "Excuse me," and the heated indignation rise from the lady with her teen daughter who was once in front of me. The lady who I honestly thought had moved to the other line.

Apparently, I was wrong.

I apologize, or at least try to.

But all I get is the hand.

My son stares incredulously.

But I am so thankful that my young precious boy is with me.

I would have lost it right there.

It was one of those days.

Not lost it in anger, but in tears.

And she won't even let me apologize . . .

That's what starts to cut like a knife through my heart.

Then I am reminded:

She doesn't know you.
She doesn't know your motive.

And I find myself talking to my son, but in reality, I'm just reminding myself what I know is true. I tell my son that I might have made a mistake and didn't realize it but honestly thought she was in the other line. I tried to apologize and say I was sorry. But even if this lady won't allow me that, God knows. He knows me and He knows my heart and how heavy it is right now, because I didn't mean any harm.

Jesus, I'm sorry if I did cut her.
Thank you for your forgiveness.
Thank you for peace in the hard things.

A quote full of wisdom from Lisa Bevere "Allow the critiques of other to refine you, not define you...If you're not careful, listening to what other people say about you might actually cause you to forget who you are."

And Jesus, thank you for reminding me who I am.


Frost said…
Kim, I cannot tell you enough how much this grabbed my heart. Very powerful stuff! Thank you!