Monday, June 11, 2012

Surrender & Redemption

The perfect photo opportunity ...

way out of reach.

When it doesn't go like you plan . . .

trying to see history in the making
the Space Shuttle Discovery's last flyby . . .
But there was sooo much traffic . . .
and kids who didn't want to be there . . .
so I missed it by minutes . . .
And I am missing the point
by focusing on the wrong thing
what good is it if I get "the perfect shot"
and all else is lost or at least in upheaval
because hearts are not settled.

What is the point . . .

I wanted these beautiful shots
but also wanted to have a memory with the kids
and today,
   I couldn't have both.

My mind wants to argue though
Why can't it be like Sunday?

Sunday was different
   and that was fine.
A family outing.
A family festival, with an outdoor concert, sponsored by
   a local Christian radio station.
We arrived just in time for an acrobatic performance
and a spot in shade to hear Jamie Grace
and autographs with her for the kids!

But today was not Sunday
nor did it go how Sunday did.

I need to surrender to that.

And it is well.
With my soul.

Because I am learning to be thankful . . .
. . . for the parking space right up front
. . . lunch at our favorite pizza place 
. . . and giggles at the humor of a nine year old boy's joke about a store named Chico's:
"Those are some nice "Chico's" you have there!"

My youngest once waved his napkin when he was full.
Said he's waiving the white flag of surrender.
He was full.

And I find myself full.
Full of my plans going awry and the frustration along the way.

"If you surrender, I redeem"

It feels like He shouts it in a whisper.
Why is it always the one-liners that knock you flat?

When I surrender the thanksgiving, the moment is redeeemed by joy.

Tuesday, June 5, 2012

The pieces

Listen God!

Please pay attention!

Can you make sense of these ramblings, my groans and my cries?

King-God, I need your help! Every morning you'll hear me at it again. Every morning I lay out the pieces of my life on your altar and watch for the fire to descend.          

Psalm 5:1-3 MSG

One week

One week, changes everything . . .

One weak, changes everything. 

One weak, changes everything.


One who is weak, changes everything. 

Our oldest came home from college for the summer a week ago. Amazing how in one week, everything changes; from needing more groceries on the practical side to the adjustments family dynamics on the emotional side.

The needles on the tree outside - such growth in one week.

And as I muttered that comment to myself, but realized it was God speaking to my heart, the second part came:

Yes, Kim, 'One weak, changes everything.'

A question was posed in my study of David strengthening himself in the Lord the other day,

"Are you more impressed with your problems or lack or resources OR with the ability of God? Are you desperate and distressed enough to tell God 'I give up. I can't do it!'?" -Sylvia Gunter In His Presence II

And I realized that all these mountains looming in front of me, these things distressing me (causing anxiety, sorrow, or pain in); yes, I have been way more impressed with them! Mountains of despair, of schedules and timing, of situations way out of my control, of medical issues, job future, school decisions. And I came to the place where I was literally saying out loud to Him, days before reading this, "I give up. I can't do! I need you Jesus to come and show yourself strong because I wanted to do this and that and be this and that, but I don't have it in me." 

He asked me on Sunday,
Have you forgotten? I Am the God of Hope.
Have you forgotten? I Am the God who makes all things new.

"When I am dry you are my fountain,
When I am weak, you are my strength
When I need faith, you move the mountains,
To stay alive I need you
You're my everything."                    -Awaken Wells "My Everything"

My prayer is that this weak reed will vibrate gratefulness, producing a beautiful sound to You (a reed is a tall, slender-leaved plant of the grass family that grown in water or on marshy ground; also, a thin strip of material which vibrates to produce a sound on a muscial instrument).

The promise that preserves my life: Is. 42:3 NLT He will not crush the weakest reed or put out a flickering candle.