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Monday, January 20, 2014

Weighted Down


Weighted down.

She feels so weighted down.

Like the trees
that were once covered with snow,
then layered with rain,
and now turned to ice.

The branches hang heavy,
reaching to the ground.

Weighted down.



In the season
of His coming.

He came bringing light
and lightness.

Shining bright.
His load is light.



But she's still
Weighted down.

By the to-do list,
Daily life,
Preparations and plans
And the relationships that are just hard.




And He whispers:

Look.

Seek.

Me.

Light.

Nothing is too heavy for me to bear.




So she lays them down.
One by one.
The worries.
The fears.
The anxieties.


By declaring He is more than enough.
By living the truth that His grace is sufficient for every need.
By looking into those eyes,
Knowing perfect love.
It's like taking a deep breath of fresh air.



She can breath light again.

And with each load lifted.
Her heart is lighter.
Her countenance brighter.
Her joy returns.




Thursday, January 16, 2014

Hope: Can You See the Potential

Can you see it?

Through the dead of winter.

Through the fog that covers like a thick blanket,

Obscuring the view.

These dead leaves.

Brown, drab colors.

It looks as if life has left.





But life is what you can't see right now.

That's what hope is.

What you can't see.

Because if you can see it,
it's not hope.

If it were colorful now,
you would be experiencing it,
not hoping for it.

And that is where I am right now.

Hoping.

Through the deadness.
Waiting for the spring.
Waiting for the colors.
Waiting for the life.

To come forth and be realized.

The potential is there.
Just not seeing the evidence.

And if I could see all this now, it wouldn't be hope.
The boy-man who can't seem to figure out where to go and what to do,
I pray he's figuring it out.
Right here under our roof.
And it's been hard.
And it's been emotionally exhausting.

He has a new life plan.
It just seems to be taking forever
For it to come together.
And what if this is not
What's meant to be.

Some of it will come easily,
The physical tests.
But the rest,
Will be like scaling a rock wall
Of his own will and determination.

And the character traits that I see,
The ones that scare me,
And haunt me,
That make me think
I didn't do a good enough job
Of raising this boy...

It's the lie that flashes its ugly teeth.


Because God has a plan.

It's only winter.

There is hope.

 "The hardship of winter. Even in the winter months, the earth is not completely dormant. The process of life continues." -S. Gunter


Time is not in your hands

The clock.

It read 10:45.

But the time was actually 4:30.

Time had stopped.

Or should I say the clock had stopped telling time.

So I change the battery.

Reset the time.




The next day, when I look again, it was wrong. The time was not what it appeared to be.

It doesn't match up with real time. So I check the connections and reset it again.

The next day, it was off.

Again.

How many times must it be reset?

And it doesn't matter what I do.

I have changed the battery.

Checked the connections.

Reset the time.

But all that does NOT seem to matter one bit.

The time is too early.

Or it is too late.

And I can't control the timing on the clock.



The "aha moment." 

Naturally, I cannot get this clock to work.

I have done all I know to do.

There has go to be a meaning behind all this?!

I finally get the message.


Your time is in My hands.
Not your hands.


Wow!

But it feels

Off.

And it feels

Frustrating.

And it feels like

It will never change.

No matter what I do.

It.
will.
not.
be.
right.

True. If it was all up to me and my ability.

I keep trying to make time match up with what it is supposed to be. I've done all I can.
"There are steps you can take to improve your current situation, but there are also things that are beyond your control. Do what you can and trust Me with the rest."           -M. Burns

I can't help thinking about the timing of things in my life right now.  Situations where I've done all I can do and have to leave the rest in His time.

Do I really want to force things to happen outside of his perfect time, even if I could? No.

Situations like our oldest son's decision to enlist in the Air Force. The process seems so unending and so NOT swift. Dates keep getting pushed back and he hasn't even gone to his processing appointment yet! It takes weeks to turn in an application. Weeks to get it cleared. Weeks to get a processing date.  And other situations, like waiting to find out IF and WHEN were are moving. The constant factor in our not-so-constant nomadic lifestyle of moving around with the military. If it was up to me, this would be all set up and tidied up a long time ago!

Yeah. IF it was up to me?

What might have happened?
Outside of God's plan.

C.S. Lewis' brings back to mind that I don't get to figure out what would have happened, as much as I think I want to. My youngest and I are enjoying the Chronicles of Narnia series. Oh, there is so much I missed when I read through it with the now 21-year old.  The other night while reading "Voyage of the Dawn Treader," Aslan says to Lucy:

Didn't I tell you once before, child, that no one is ever told what would have happened?

I was tempted to think that beginning the process before the holidays was a big mistake. But it sure taught a valuable lesson.

And then when the plans for the processing appointment all come crashing together in one busy week? I'm clinging onto great grace of My savior, who will carry me through.

He is reminding me:
It's only 10:45 a.m. on my clock when it looks like 4:30 p.m. to you. Your time is in my hands. It is not your own.

So don't panic.
When it stops.
And don't gasp.
When it doesn't go according to plans or efficiency.
I am way bigger than that!

David reminds me too, in Psalm 31:15, My times are in Your hands.